Feelings about Faye

A little over seven years ago, I remember sitting in my parent’s family room with family members. My sister Stacey announced she was pregnant. I also took the opportunity to announce that I was pregnant. And so, we began the road to motherhood together. It was a little bit emotional for Stacey, she had suffered a miscarriage months before. Pregnancy can be emotional and scary if you’ve suffered a loss. We were due November 16 and 17^th. November 1^st rolls around, and Stacey’s water breaks. She goes into the hospital and about 8 hours later, Mitchell Keith Meldrum was born. Kaylee came along the following week. Two months later, I got very sick and had to have my gallbladder removed, and Stacey was there for me. Kaylee and Mitchell have been way good friends. They were blessed together and have had a special cousin bond. Kaylee loves Mitchell so much! Fast forward a couple years—I got pregnant with my second child, Stacey had also been trying, and it had been a struggle for them. But a few months later Stacey also announced her pregnancy. I am too anxious and had to find out what the gender of my baby was. Stacey didn’t find out. May 15^th rolls around, and along comes Abbie. Stacey was one of the first to learn of her arrival and one of the first to come to the hospital. She brought Kaylee to meet her new sister. I still remember Kaylee walking into the room, and Stacey had done Kaylee’s hair and it was so gorgeous! Stacey is so good at doing little girls hair and loves it! July 7^th comes and along with it came Faye Meldrum. We were so excited to see a little girl! Stacey was so good with my little girl and I knew she would be such a great mom to a little girl; she already was a fabulous mom. I was so envious of how natural motherhood came to her. She was able to savor every moment with her children.  About 18 months later, I ended up having to have jaw surgery. Stacey was there for me. She drove down from Logan to watch my girls for the day and made cupcakes with them. And, once again, the girls had gorgeous hair! Abbie and Faye have been really good friends. Ever since they were born, Nick and Stacey haven’t lived near us, first Logan, then Texas. But that hasn’t stopped Abbie and Faye from phone calls and web chats with each other. Every time I have been on the phone with Stacey, Faye asks to talk, she always says, “hi Holly! Can I talk to Abbie?” And sometimes it’s “Can I talk to Kaylee?” They will go on and on with their conversation just talking about everything.  Abbie has always been one to just play alone, but whenever Faye and Abbie get together they don’t leave each other’s side, they play so well together! I ended up pregnant again, as I went on through the pregnancy; I talked to Stacey a lot. I started feeling guilt through the pregnancy because I found out that she was trying to have another baby, but wasn’t ovulating. She said they would have to do fertility treatments, but had to wait until Nick had a job and they had insurance. I felt so bad. She told me that it was okay and I just needed to be so excited about my new baby. At the end of the pregnancy, the baby wasn’t coming. My due date came and the baby still wasn’t here. Nick and Stacey had a trip home planned a week later. Stacey kept telling me, “Your baby loves me so much! She is just waiting for her favorite aunt to get there for her to come.” The following day Kenzie arrived. I experienced some problems following the childbirth. And a few days later I ended up back in the ER. The following day, Nick and Stacey got into town and came over, and Stacey was there for me. She made adorable shoes for Kenzie and just loved Kenzie. Mitchell and Faye were nervous to hold the baby and they both covered their ears when she cried. Kenzie spit up and Mitchell was so grossed out at that! But they loved Kenzie! Nick and Stacey spent the summer here in Utah and it was great! The kids loved spending time with their cousins and I loved spending time with my sister. A month after they went back home, I received a phone call; it was Stacey saying she was pregnant! I was ecstatic!! We communicated through the pregnancy and it went so well for her. They came back to Utah for Christmas. It was great spending time with them. While they were here, Faye started complaining about her legs hurting and was crying a lot. They took her to the ER and they said it was just a virus and put her on antibiotics. Stacey went through the remainder of the pregnancy and Faye’s legs were hurting her worse. Nick got a new job that he started in January. On April 1^st, their insurance went into effect. On April 3^rd Stacey went into labor, and on April 4^th Nixon Joseph Meldrum was born via C-Section. Faye’s legs were still hurting and she got to the point where she wouldn’t walk or eat. A few days later, they took Nixon for a check up and took Faye for blood tests and X rays. The following morning they received a phone call saying that Faye’s hemoglobin was low and they needed to go to the hospital immediately, she was then transferred to the children’s hospital. On Saturday morning, I had gone to my parent’s house; my dad was watching the girls so I could take a test. Before I left to take the test he said, “Have you heard the latest on Faye?” I said no. He explained the events that had taken place that morning. When he said low hemoglobin my heart dropped. I said, “Dad that is what I was afraid of.” He said, “What does it mean?” I said, “Dad, I have been learning about this stuff in my class. I am pretty sure that means leukemia.” His face went pale and dropped. I did some research and said, “Dad, it is probably just an iron issue, I am sure everything is fine.” In my heart, I knew it wasn’t. I received a call from Stacey on Monday. She said, “Are you ready? Faye has leukemia.” I can’t say I was completely shocked. I was hoping it wasn’t that, but I felt at peace. I told Stacey that and she said, she was prepared for this, she knew and she was okay. Nick and Stacey are very strong people. It doesn’t mean that because they are so strong they should have to go through this. No one should have to. But Nick and Stacey are much loved! They have an immense amount of support and arms around their necks. They have raised a fighter! Faye is going to fight her hardest. I want to be there for my sister, she has always been there for me when I was going through hard times. She told me, “knowing you are praying for us, is the best thing you can do.” So I am. I haven’t wanted to acknowledge this; I have been unfocused all week. I haven’t known what to say or do. I have felt helpless. I feel like everything I have thought of doing or putting together, someone else has done, it has made me very emotional feeling like I can’t do anything because everyone else is, everything I suggest to people, the response is, “Oh, this person is already doing that.” I talked to my mom last night. I was telling her how we were selling things to pay off some of our debt, but we wanted to give the money to Nick and Stacey. She said, “Holly, you still need to take care of your family. Nick and Stacey will be blessed. You still need to think about your family.” I lost it. I burst into tears and said, “Mom they are going through something so hard and I feel helpless and the last thing I want to do is think about myself. I don’t want to be selfish!” Talking to my mom made me understand that things will work out the way they are supposed to. Stacey would give me a massive lecture on continuing on with my life, and I know that is what she wants me to do. I can still pray for Faye and their family. I can still support them. But she wants me to be the best wife and mother I can be, I know that with all my heart. I haven’t wanted to write about it, but one of Stacey’s dear friends wrote about it, and I knew that was what I needed to do. I needed to write about it and acknowledge it. Stacey has amazing friends. To be honest, I have always been a little jealous of how close she was to them. But I know that her friends are a huge blessing in her life and I am thankful for them and their support. This will be beat! I know this is the longest post ever, but I needed to do it, for me and for Stacey! I love my sister so much. I have always looked up to her and she is amazing. She has also married an amazing man and we are blessed to have Nick a part of our family! They are the most beautiful family in the entire world and I love them so much! That is why this has been hard for me.